Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
