I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
