hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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