There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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