where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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