highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
