Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
