I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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