so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
