Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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