I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
