My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
