one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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