He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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