I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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