evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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