You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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