Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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