Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
