Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
