I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
