On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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