when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
