Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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