I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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