You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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