i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
