walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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