Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
