cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
