After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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