Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
