Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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