I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
