Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
