I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
