i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
