We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
