walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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