Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
