I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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