is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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