U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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