Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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