he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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