To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
