he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
