i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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