Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
