i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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