She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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