im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
